Dating and living alone

Joseph Reagle

Question

How does digital communication shape our romantic relations & habitation?

(What can we learn about big data and privacy?)

Online romance

Rudder

Dataclysm

An accessible presentation of many of the findings from the OkCupid blog as well as data from Google Trends, match.com, Facebook, and ShiftGig. People are biased towards the beautiful, the white, the tall, and the young. (Rudder 2014, “Dataclysm”)

Wade

American Hookup

A balanced approach to hookup culture based on interviews and student journaling, from freshman through postgraduate. Identifies enthusiasts, ambivalence, and abstainers. Argues that students can enjoy a great deal of casual freedom, but many also look for greater kindness and paths towards more meaningful relationships. (Wade 2017, “American hookup”)

Rosenfeld

Social changes

What’s this sound like?

networked individualism (RainieWellman 2012, “Network”, pp. 6-7)

Consequences of online dating??

  • more communication
  • bigger field can lead to
    • more selectivity (better match)
    • opportunities for minorities (ethnic, religious, sexual)
  • …?

1/4 of straight couples meet online; 2/3 for gay couples (RosenfeldFerdman 2016)

Paradox of choice?

“A Million First Dates”

the Internet makes it easier for single people to meet other single people with whom they might be compatible, raising the bar for what they consider a good relationship. But what if online dating makes it too easy to meet someone new? (Slater 2013)

Rejection mindset

First profile/picture presented has best chances, with a drop especially for women, after ~12 (study 2) and ~30 (study 3) profiles

The results of Study 3 suggested two underlying psychological mechanisms of the rejection mind-set: increased dissatisfaction with the pictures and increased pessimism about one’s chances of finding a partner… Because women typically reject more, they might also cumulate rejections more quickly and thus more easily adopt a rejection mind-set. (PronkDenissen 2019)

Yet…

people who meet their partners online are not more likely to break up (RosenfeldFerdman 2016)

Speed to marriage

Of those who stay together:

Why?

I think it’s likely that people who look to online dating sites are more intent on finding a partner, especially those using sites like Match.com and eHarmony. (RosenfeldFerdman 2016)

Those who want hookups can do that too.

But will you have a good “how you met” story? 🙂

More diverse?

… online dating sites show that there’s a strong preference for same-race dating. (RosenfeldFerdman 2016)

White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else – and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively. (Rudder 2009)

Does this lead to filter bubble?

OKCupid

Background

Big data

Benefits

Concerns

Christian Rudder

(What public speaking tips would you give him?)

Lies and Dating

Height

“I’m 6 feet tall.” REALITY: People are two inches shorter in real life. (Rudder 2010)

Height

Income

“I make $100,000 a year.” REALITY: People are 20% poorer than they say they are.

people exaggerate more as they get older

if you’re a young guy and don’t make much money, cool. If you’re 23 or older and don’t make much money, go die in a fire. (Rudder 2010)

Photos

“Here’s a recent pic.” REALITY: The more attractive the picture, the more likely it is to be out-of-date. (Rudder 2010)

median photo age was 92 days, but hotter photos were older as were photos of older people (Rudder 2010, p. 6)

EXIF Viewer

Oops

Tender: “How People Meat”

Singletons

Singleton demographics

The rise of living alone has been a transformative social experience. It changes the way we understand ourselves and our most intimate relationships. It shapes the way we build our cities and develop our economies. (Klinenberg 2012)

Why?

  • economic prosperity
  • individualism
  • digital communications

[the latter] has allowed people to experience the pleasures of social life even when they’re living alone. (Klinenberg 2012)

How is it understood?

  • a sign of success
  • opportunity to invest in self
  • implies need to cultivate social networks

Implications?

Klinenberg started with eye toward disturbing features (selfishness, loneliness, sickness & death while alone), but concluded the “great majority of those who go solo have a more rich and varied experience.”

What matters is not whether we live alone, but whether we feel alone. (Klinenberg 2012)

… and COVID

52% of young adults living with parent(s)

(FryPasselCohn 2020)

Go Around

Conclusion

Wrap up

Write a “3-minute paper” (bullets are fine) on:

How does digital communication affect dating?

Review

How does digital communication affect dating?