Christian Rudder

Dating and Race


Men’s messages

Writing Back

Black women write back the most. Whether it’s due to talkativeness, loneliness, or a sense of plain decency, black women are by far the most likely to respond to a first contact attempt. In many cases, their response rate is one and a half times the average, and, overall, black women reply about a quarter more often that other women. (Rudder 2009)

Getting Replies

White men get more responses. Whatever it is, white males just get more replies from almost every group. We were careful to preselect our data pool so that physical attractiveness (as measured by our site picture-rating utility) was roughly even across all the race/gender slices. For guys, we did likewise with height. (Rudder 2009)

Race Exclusiveness

White women prefer white men to the exclusion of everyone else – and Asian and Hispanic women prefer them even more exclusively.

Asian women write back non-white males at 21.9%, Hispanic women at 22.9%, and white women at 23.0%. (Rudder 2009)

Women’s messages

Writing back

Men don’t write black women back. Or rather, they write them back far less often than they should. Black women reply the most, yet get by far the fewest replies. Essentially every race—including other blacks—singles them out for the cold shoulder. (Rudder 2009)

White guys

White guys respond less overall. The average reply rate of non-white males is 48.1%, while white guys’ is only 40.5%. Basically, they write back about 20% less often. It’s ironic that white guys are worst responders, because as we saw above they in turn get the most replies. That has apparently made them very self-absorbed.

Lies and Dating


“I’m 6 feet tall.” REALITY: People are two inches shorter in real life. (Rudder 2010)


“I make $100,000 a year.” REALITY: People are 20% poorer than they say they are.

people exaggerate more as they get older

if you’re a young guy and don’t make much money, cool. If you’re 23 or older and don’t make much money, go die in a fire. (Rudder 2010)


“Here’s a recent pic.” REALITY: The more attractive the picture, the more likely it is to be out-of-date. (Rudder 2010)

median photo age was 92 days, but hotter photos were older as were photos of older people (Rudder 2010, p. 6)

“Polish” or deceit??

Online norms


widely-held beliefs about behavior

Ex: Relational norms

Hacking OD

Amy Webb