Rudder’s Blog examining how race affects the likeliness of receiving messages and replys was very entertaining. The statistics didn’t come to me as a shock because I believe that racism is still embedded in many cultures. The statistics presented clearly show bias, and assuming OKCupid’s “users better-educated, younger, and far more progressive than the norm” one can only imagine how “bias” many of us are in reality.
The BiG Lies People Tell in Online Dating
Who doesn’t want to be “awesome”? Everybody wants to present the best version of who they are online. Claiming to be taller, wealthier, and posting pictures from your archives is all done in the name of love. Even though –I assume- these users want to actually meet their match’s eventually. It did not surprise me at all that people exaggerate their truths in online dating. Too bad they’re setting themselves up for disappointment.
OKCupid is hiding the good-looking people from us ugly freaks
Morrans blog was simply hilarious, Like many of the people that commented on this, I think it’s a ploy to get users back on the website while flattering and offending their users simultaneously
In OKTrends’s article about race in relationships, the statistics were somewhat surprising to me. The article claims to have expected race to be less of an issue in terms of who people decide to contact or respond to. What I found shocking was that even individuals of the same race were often not respondent to each other. While I do not see race as an issue in relationships, I would expect individuals of the same race to be even more inclined to interest in each other due to the culture that they share. I was also surprised by the amount of individuals who did not respond to advances made on them, especially men who did not respond to women who contacted them. If these individuals have decided to be a part of the online dating community, why are they not eager to respond to others?
In the second post about the lies that people tell in online dating, there was not one piece of information that shocked me. I guess the reason that it was not surprising to me is due to the fact that everyone tries to put their best foot forward in the dating world. Although it is wrong to lie to a potential future partner, these lies, such as those about height and pictures that are outdated, are not potentially damaging. If the internet allows for someone to put an exaggerated best foot forward, that person will obviously take the advantage (since everyone else probably is to).
I a way these articles reminded me of the idea of anonymous. The person who created the profile on this site has full control on the information that is displayed for other people to see. Even though this is not completely like anonymous, one can never truly know what is going on behind the screen and if the person is telling the truth or not.
I know two people who are members of the site OkCupid and they have both told me about times they have gone on dates and both of them have told me that the person who contacted them were shorter than their profile said. When I read that part I knew exactly what they were talking about. Unfortunately I have not heard anything about the “more attractive” pairing they have going on, I will not be telling them about that either. Both of them disregarded the person after the first date because “if they are lying about their height, what else are they lying about?”
When people choose their main picture it reminds me of Facebook, a lot of this can be interchangeable. I know a lot of people who will not even allow other people to view their tagged pictures meaning they can only see the picture they deem appropriate for others to see. Let’s be real, a lot of peoples looks go down as they get older so they will make their profile picture be the best of them, often an older picture.
I found these readings to be extremely interesting in terms of its perception on people meeting online. When looking at the charts shown throughout the articles, some were expected while others were rather surprising. Some of the results that I found interesting were that black women wrote back the most and white men got the most responses. Another statistic I found surprising in a good way was the poll on whether interracial marriages were a bad idea. Every race polled 93% or more in the light that it was not a bad idea. I completely agree I just assumed that more people would be against it. But then switching gears to the poll that asked whether you strongly prefer to date someone of your own skin color/racial background, the answers were shocking after what I had read in the chart before. For white females, 54% said yes while 46% said no. I find this humorous in the sense that I seems that white females wouldn’t mind seeing interracial couples together, but over half of the population would prefer to not be one of them. I also found it very amusing when looking at the article regarding “The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating”. People will lie about their height, income, sexuality, as well as their current appearance. As the article was saying, telling these lies within avatars online while playing games is fine, when going on an online dating site, this shouldn’t be happening. Not to mention people should not be getting emails from the site saying they are now in the “hotter group” of people on the site. After reading that final article, I glanced down at some of the comments and there was one in particular that I found interesting. They were saying that the website probably did this to most members once they had been idle for some time in order to reel people back onto the site. This just goes to show how shallow and untrue the Internet can truly be.
When communicating with someone online, people have been known to take liberties when describing themselves, whether they’re talking about their height, weight or salary everyone seems to do it. Cyberspace has always been a place where people try and become the person that want to be in real life, but can’t and online dating is no different. When Rudder said that men tend to embellish their height in online dating, that didn’t surprise me at all because height has always been something that is associated with confidence. Embellishing your height isn’t something exclusive to the Internet, when I’m played football our coach would tell us to add a few pounds or a few inches to the roster. The size of a person will lead people to draw conclusions about them in football bigger might mean tougher or stronger and online dating bigger may mean you have more se, which may make other desire you more.
Some people will believe that a big salary gives them the best chance of meeting partners, but this practice is something that only comes into play in the later years of life. When we are young we have plenty of chances to impress potential partners, but once we get older there are less chances and the clock begins to wind down. Some older folks probably just see inflating their salary as a way to get an edge on the dating world.
After reading the first article regarding racism in online dating, it actually left me a little bit incensed. When you’re choosing a life partner you are not shopping for a puppy or a new top, you’re essentially searching for your soul mate (assuming you are using the site for its intended purpose). People want to connect with people they know they will be physically and intellectually attracted to. Individuals will always have an opinion of the certain look they prefer their partner to have. That’s not racist, its reality. You cannot help whom you feel attracted to. In addition to that, cultural similarities or differences can play a huge role in picking someone. For example, someone from a Muslim background, who places high value on religion and prayer, would not be likely to want to connect with a Caucasian atheist, and visa versa. As far as the second article, it is always to be expected that people are going to lie on their online profiles. It seems as though okcupid may be a site that is used more to solicit sex than relationships, based on the statistics used. Lying may get you more messages and thus, more dates, but you cannot expect to carry on a legitimate relationship without divulging your little white (or not so much) lies. Although height may not be such a big deal, lying about things such as your salary and your age would certainly put up a red flag for me. And finally, to address the strange “hottie” club, I guess I don’t have much to say. For that to be a known practice of okcupid just reflects so badly on that company. One’s hopes would be that someone would not want to partake in a site that discriminates in such a blatant manner, whether they were included in the more attractive group or not.
-- Kelly Matthews Northeastern Commencement Office 230 Cushing Hall 617-373-4098
As the eharmony commercial's proudly claim: "one in four relationships begin online". Online dating has come a long was in the past few years, but with the growth of its popularity comes a set of problems. In most online communities anonymity is helpful to protect web user's identities and give them a certain amount of freedom. Christian Rudder however points out in his article "The Big Lies That People Tell in Online Dating" the trouble comes when people feel they can exaggerate the truth, or in some cases flat out lie, just because they are on an online forum. Rudder points out that they ides of bending the truth seems like a waste of time since the the whole premise of an online dating site is to actually meet in person. Ultimately if you are serious about starting a relationship with a person on this site, they are going to find out that you are 5'8 instead of 6 feet, that you actually make eighty thousand a year instead of a hundred thousand, and that the attractive picture of you is a little out dated.
This idea of stretching the truth in online dating definitely speaks to the way we as a culture, see and use the internet. Because the internet offers anonymity and a screen to hide behind, people often feel comfortable using this medium to exaggerate or bend the truth or to present themselves in a way that they do not otherwise get to in the real world. I find it ironic however that people want to use the anonymity of the internet on a dating site such as OkCupid, because the whole point is to be yourself, and to find someone who likes you for you. When we mix dating with the online community, certain lines seem to get blurred in the convergence of these two phenomena.
"The Big Lies People Tell In Online Dating" article was HILARIOUS. First off, the beginning part with the photo already grabbed my attention. But what’s even better, is the fact that I coerced my best friend into going onto this site. She’s been single for a while and the site is free… seemed like a match made in heaven. Well, reading these statistics made me laugh uncontrollably as to what I am putting my friend into. I obviously sent her the article…
The instructional data of this article is fantastic. The text accompanying the graphs, are even better: "These bold colors contain a subtle message: if you're a young guy and don't make much money, cool. If you're 23 or older and don't make much money, go die in a fire. It's not hard to see where the incentive to exaggerate comes from."
But specifically about the article, I feel like this information is already things that people know. What the article does highlight, is that he knows it’s common to lie, and yet, to lie and then have to meet the other individual in person, is what makes this lying-online-thing bizarre. I suppose it’s our innate reaction to present ourselves as best we can, whether it’s true or not.
When reading the article “OkCupid is Hiding The Good-Looking People From US Ugly Freaks" I was SHOCKED to read that good looking people on the site “had been sent messages by the matchmakers informing them of the good news that they were among the site's more attractive users. Which meant they now have the privilege of seeing other hotties that are apparently being held back from the slack-jawed masses.” Clearly, this was something I would of heard about if my friend Maddie received it, so I’m not passing this one on… Wow. For some reason though, I feel as if this is just a clever marketing strategy being sent to everyone. My opinion parallels those in the comment box who believe that it’s just a ploy…
It blows my mind how most things written about meeting people online tend to be negative even in today’s day in age. The recent articles assigned to be read were from both 2009 and 2010 and dwelled on lies told, racism and “hiding good looking people from ugly people.” The first article of the two from the OkCupid blog titled How Your Race Affects the Messages You Get states early that “racism is alive and well” despite that based on statistics, people on the dating site are matched evenly despite their race. It is the response where racism comes into play. The second titled The Big Lies People Tell on Online Dating follows its title to outline lies people tell like income, height and sexual preference as well as how outdated pictures are. Lastly, the article OkCupid is Hiding the Good-Looking People from Us Ugly Freaks just points out a feature that slims down the pool on who people who are “attractive” are matched with.
These are just all negative articles and honestly, I almost feel like I lost intelligence in reading articles dwelling on such inane topics. The first article almost takes a step back in strides that people have made in overcoming racism. The topic of race comes up and maybe people just are not attracted to people of other races. That does not mean they are racist. Who cares who they respond to? Maybe a black person writes to a white person and the recipient finds the message sender to be hideous. Its not always skin color, it is very likely that person is just ugly. My issue with the second and third article is my distaste for online dating in general. If all these people on the site were cool and attractive, they would not do online dating. They would find people on their own without the “help” of the internet and they have to lie online because they are not actually cool. It is a general assumption that online dating is lame and therefore the people that do it are probably lame too.
There are so many awesome things to be said about meeting people online but you cannot go looking for it. If you find someone awesome online, it just happens so just let it happen.
OkCupid, known as the youngest trendy online dating site has a variety of races, genders and salaries to choose from. From all the research conducted by scanning the members of this site, the results weren’t shocking. Exaggerating salary and posting outdated pictures of themselves, both men and women weren’t 100% truthful. The basic idea with any selection whether it be choosing a partner or buying a product, what ultimately makes a decision final, is how the product was sold to you or the person made their personalities or lifestyle out to be. These figures can be interpreted in multiple ways, racism still exists or individuals have different preferences, simple as that. Most races do date within their own race, due to tradition or simple preference.
The Internet gives anybody the ability to make figures, looks and overall personalities a reality by submitting a form. Having a higher salary, being taller for men and shorter for females or even open about your sexual partners is shown in American culture as an ideal mate. We do not only we see these examples online, television shows air programs such as, The Real World or America’s Next Top Model create these qualities as being acceptable, not that they shouldn’t be. Online dating is a difficult process with no instant human interaction; an individual is left to shop by selecting the best profile. Are they to blame? Absolutely not.
It's not particularly surprising that people exaggerate or flat-out lie on their online profiles--the point, it would seem, is to sort of get a foot in the door of a potential relationship. Once that door has been opened, users can come clean and cop to any lies or omissions on their dating profile. I would imagine that this is a trend that could also be observed in social media sites in general--users can lie about their occupation, education, location, and entire past on Twitter and Facebook (I don't think height, weight, and income are generally listed on non-dating centered social networks, but its a good bet that if they were, people would lie about them, too). I think this phenomenon is drawn from the desire to create an online identity for oneself, that in some cases may not always present one in the most accurate light. The point of social networks is to make as much contact with other people (doubly so for dating sites), so it makes sense that people would carefully maintain and edit their personal profiles to be as appealing to as many people as possible (I have The Office listed as a "Favorite Show" on Facebook, and I don't even like it--but hey, if everyone else likes it, why not?). Personally I don't have a problem with it--my sense is, on social networking sites, and especially on dating sites: buyer beware.